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Thursday, August 18, 2011

Merging with the Light (My Diabetes Anniversary)

 August is an intense month for me, as it marks the anniversary of my diabetes diagnosis. I often find that when it rolls around, I want to withdraw from the world. This used to bother me. I found it unsettling and stressful.


 But now, after twenty-nine years with diabetes, I believe this withdrawal is part of a natural cycle. To examine where I am at in relation to illness, to healing, to my path in this world. It is a time to remember.


Last week in the Emerge course, we were prompted to explore what it means to "stand in your own light." To do this through mindfulness meditation and self -portraiture.


I found that holding myself in light -my diabetic, poetry-loving, wild woman self- meant that like the Japanese Goddess Amaterasu catching a glimpse of Her own brightness in the mirror, I could find my way out of the cave of withdrawal. After twenty-nine years of diabetes, and nearly forty-two trips around the sun, I could see myself as beautiful and whole. Not broken or unfixable, not even incurable.


Dream of the sun dreaming its worlds,
sing till the song throws out root, trunk,
branches, birds, stars. Sing until the dream
engenders the spring at which you may drink
and recognize yourself and recover. (Ocatvio Paz)

4 comments:

  1. "After twenty-nine years of diabetes, and nearly forty-two trips around the sun, I could see myself as beautiful and whole. Not broken or unfixable, not even incurable."

    Simply beautiful...your words moved me so much...not broken or unfixable, not even uncurable..YES beautiful and whole!

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  2. ...I could see myself as beautiful and whole. Not broken or unfixable, not even incurable.

    right, so that line, like stephanie, tears, what a compelling truth you just voiced. and that last photo? oh my stars.

    shining your light, yes you are. so honored and grateful to be in it.

    xoxo

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  3. ah ... you are always such a beacon of light, love and compassion ... with a healthy dash of wicked humor. it's interesting how we are being called to reconsider how we view ourselves ... me thinks the goddess needs our selves integrated, centered and ready to do some serious work in her name.

    august IS a big month ... something about the transition out of summer and into a new season, a seriousness creeping in (and yikes! our family anniversary is Monday - how did time spin by so fast!)

    i am loving the direction of your photography ... your feet shot is incredible!

    love to you and your dolphin guide ♥

    xo lis

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  4. What an incredible, insightful, and inspirational post, Angela. You're seriously going to bring me back to my love for the written word... thanks for the great writing and insight here. And belatedly, Happy Dia-versary!

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