This One May Require a Postscript!

By now I'm sure you've figured out I am in the midst of some kind of creative block. I write everyday, but when I sit down here in front of the computer and this blog, I seem to be having issues! Blame it on Mercury retrograde, our recent move, nerves, a weariness of hearing/reading my own voice. . .  Bloodsugarwitch is a year old (!), and, maybe that's part of it. I can't help but reassess my hopes, goals, intent for this creative outlet.

In any case, I've determined the best way to deal with this wee little creative block is to simply post something every day for the next week or so. It may be only a photo or two, or a favorite poem. I'm giving myself permission to keep it simple, yet I want to connect and give the Muse a reason to show up!

For the last 2 weeks I've been immersed in Stephanie Anderson Ladd's Goddess Temple e-course. She has been guiding a group of us through the Triple Goddess archetypes of Maiden, Mother and Crone(specifically Persephone, Demeter, and Hecate). Creating altars to honor the varied aspects of these Goddesses along with SoulCollage to further explore the layers within our own psyches has provided a foundation from which to work. Quite honestly I hesitated in taking this class as I knew the material would not be "new" to me. But as with any practice, returning again and again, like the cycle of seasons, is what brings the deepest truths to the surface. Stephanie is an excellent teacher, and I am thankful (and humbled) to be in the presence of so many women eager to remember and understand our history.

SoulCollage card for Persephone, Queen of the Underworld

*It is one of my strongest beliefs that if we want to change our world, it is vitally important that we as women honestly look at the ramifications of religious practices that emphasize the masculine. To look in the mirror as a woman -in a world dominated by modalities of worship that are based on fathers, sons, and the absence and subjugation of the feminine-  and see the Divine reflected back is a RADICAL act. Think about what the phrase "made in the image of god" really truly means. If it helps, think about what it would be like to enter a temple or church or mosque where god is a woman. Where prayers, offerings, rituals, and worship honor YOU! Not just you minus your breasts and womb and sacred blood as they have been asking us to do for thousands of years, but you as a woman born of a woman.


I DARE YOU.

Diabetes Art Day

Happy September! Every year I try to give August a little more love, but I find I am still more than happy to usher it out like a house guest who's overstayed his welcome. I was excited to learn that the diabetes online community has designated September 1st as Diabetes Art Day. What better way to celebrate the flip of the calendar page than a day dedicated to healing through artistic/creative expression?! Art therapist Lee Ann Thill (a Type 1 diabetic herself) is the organizer and creator of this web based initiative. Her About page states that she "started Diabetes Art Day to encourage people with diabetes and their loved ones to utilize creative visual expression as a way of communicating their experience with diabetes, connecting with others, raising awareness, and promoting insight and positive coping skills." Awesome, huh?

I decided the best way for me to tap into diabetes so specifically for this project was to create using the art journaling and SoulCollage approach: move intuitively around the page, going with images, colors, and materials as they come to mind, without overthinking or correcting. Working in this way allows me to be totally present in the moment, focused on color or image, yet when I'm finished, I find I've tapped into something deeper and more profound. In pondering the page and what I chose in those moments, often an insight into a difficult issue will emerge. It can be a powerful healing tool.

And, all of this translates into something messy, gooey, kinda quirky, and totally me!

I created the background using acrylic paint, torn paper, gesso, and a top layer of my beloved Caran D'Ache. I dumped out my purse and gathered some of those ever handy used blood testing strips. From there, I dipped into what I call my SoulCollage box, where I keep images cut from magazines, old calendars, newspapers, etc. I found that I was most drawn to animals that have in some way either physically and/or symbolically helped me cope with diabetes.

Wolf speaks to me of the need for family and friends. He also symbolizes my instinctual self, that part of me that listens to my body and knows what is needed. Horse guides me past fear to freedom. She reminds me of the necessity of balance. Butterfly promises new beginnings. Something beautiful can emerge from the shadows. She offers hope.

Several years ago, my husband gave me a statue of the Asian goddess of compassion and healing Quan Yin. It seemed only appropriate to include her in an exploration of my relationship to illness. The Day of the Dead skull is an acknowledgment of my fears. I believe that in honoring them it becomes easier to let them go. The moon connects all of these symbols, illuminating the path before me.

And to make this collage complete, it seemed important to give myself wings.

Thank you, Lee Ann for your hard work in bringing this event to the world!! Many blessings to the diabetes online community and to all of those who live with incurable illness. Never give up hope!

A Guide Through the Shadows

For if that which you seek, you find not within yourself, you will never find it without (from "The Charge of the Goddess" by Doreen Valiente).                                                                                            

I've been scribbling away all day, trying to shape sentences to describe the experience of creating my first SoulCollage card. I am finding it difficult to enunciate. Maybe because I am still working to decipher the language of my soul which emerged from this creative exercise. Maybe because I am feeling vulnerable at the prospect of sharing it with the wider world. The SoulCollage process developed by Seena Frost is a simple yet powerful way of accessing the depths, and, like a powerful dream, illuminating archetypes both bright and shadowed.

I began with a stack of magazines (yes, I am a magazine junkie!), and tore out images that appealed to me for any reason. I tried not to think about the "why" of my choices. I just placed them in an empty shoebox and moved on.

 Once I had collected quite a few images, I lit a candle, some incense, and began looking through faces, landscapes, and animals until I found something that resonated with me in that moment. This turned out to be a woman with her hands covering her eyes. She seemed to me both beautiful and troubled. Next, my eyes landed on a jeweled skull. I placed it above her head, and was startled to find that I knew immediately the emotional place I had just created. I had not planned on intuiting something so dark. But I could not deny the authentic truth of it. I collaged these images over a larger photo of storm clouds, and left it to dry overnight. Still it felt unfinished.

I sat at my desk the next day holding the card in my hands. I felt agitated at first, not knowing where I should go with the visual symbolism. My eyes wandered to a dried leaf I had found a few months ago. I placed it in the collage. The green color did not match the energy of the card. I painted it black, worrying the whole time that I was ruining such a lovely leaf. But as I worked with this natural element, it became clear what else was needed: an owl! I still didn't spend time on the "why," I just searched until I found one that worked.

After adhering all of the pieces, I coated them with gel medium, and jotted down some first impressions. I was utterly floored. I thought, This is what my depression looks like. For the first time in a long while, I felt compassion for myself.

An important step in working with a SoulCollage card is to imagine entering the image, taking on its voice. Seena Frost encourages the use of the phrasing I-Am-One-Who to help source the meaning.

She Speaks:
I am One Who does not sleep
I am One Who is terrified, who lays awake in the night, hearing only cruel voices
I am One Who conjures old pain, who thinks of a failed life, too much time wasted
I am One Who feels like giving up, caving to shadow

Owl Speaks:
I am One Who sees in the Darkness
I am One Who speaks the language of the Night, yet I am not the voice of despair
I am One Who is Wise, your Guide through the shadows
Let me help you

In the next few days, I hope to "name" the card. Part of the naming process also involves assigning it to one of four suits: Committee, Community, Companion, or Council. To continue a healing dialogue with the message of this card, meditation and journaling seem necessary. As does placing Her under my pillow with a piece of moonstone and some dream herbs. She has much to teach me.

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And speaking of teachers, I am SUPER excited to tell you about two upcoming e-courses I have signed up for! Beginning August 1st, is Live It To the Full's first offering called Emerge. The focus of this workshop is emerging from life's transitions through photography, writing, and meditation. The four weeks of instruction will be led by Liz Lamoreux, Vivienne McMaster, and Jennifer McGuiggan. It's going to be a lovely experience!

And then, on August 8th, I will be entering the wild and beautiful Pixie Campbell's SouLodge! When I read the description of her course, I cried. I have been feeling so isolated and "uprooted" here in Texas. An opportunity to connect with a circle of women, even if it is on the virtual plane, seems a much needed blessing. Pixie's work with stones, animal totems, and shamanic ritual speaks to my own spiritual practice, and I am feeling humbled by the path that has led me to her as teacher and guide.

One of my long-standing teachers and friends, Lis, is hosting an Art Bash on her blog during the month of August. Through her Painting With a Purpose Campaign 2011, she and her daughter will be raising money for Half the Sky Foundation, a charity organization that helps orphaned children in China. This is going to be an amazing event, with chances to win a magical painting made by Lis and her daughter, as well as art created by some other wildly talented artists! Check out all of the details at Dandelion Seeds and Dreams.